Promise by: esca

promise.png

  • a JinHoon (Jaejin x Sunghoon) songfic
  • completed

<listen to track #2 of Blue Note as you read this…>

Jaejin hyung drops the half-smoked cigarette and grinds it with his heel. Refusing to meet my eyes, he stares at the crushed cigarette…ashes… There was a time when he followed my every movement with his warm black eyes, not wanting to miss even the smallest of my gestures… But now, he’s saying all these words he doesn’t mean. As if I wouldn’t know what he really means….

Its better this way… Hoonie… These things don’t last forever…

He can’t really believe that…

I’m glad that you’re getting a chance to study abroad…

He doesn’t look happy…

Besides, you’ll be back in… what… four years?

Staring at the ground, he does not see me shake my head. He does not see my tears as they silently runs down my cheeks.

You say that you’ve watched me for so long…but we must now part
I miss you so much that I cry… I’ll leave you with this request…

I will never be back… and if I do come back… I won’t be his anymore.

It’s only a little time separating us….

He doesn’t know that there’s a whole world separating us.

My parents who know about him. My parent’s he’s never met…

The engagement I was forced into. The engagement he doesn’t know about…

My fiancée who’s going to go study abroad with me. My fiancée he’s never heard of…

I’ve kept so much from him… He doesn’t even know..how happy I had been with him, that my world had been so perfect with him alone..

And when you come back, maybe we can be friends again…

I know that cannot be his friend after being his love. But perhaps that’s all he wants from me now…

Friendship… And it hurts so badly that I can’t breathe.

But I’m hurting him now, so I can forgive him as he hurts me. Hurting each other. Why does something so perfect have to end with so much pain?

I hope you’ll remember me after I leave… The times that we’ve been together…
You must never forget my wish to treasure those moments…

Will I have the courage to face him someday? Am I being too greedy if I want him to be mine until we meet again? The words escape my lips with the wish that I know will not come true.

If we ever see each other again…. when we do… I cannot be a friend….but perhaps, someday I’ll have the courage to tell him the truth. Perhaps Ill have the courage to defy the world that stands between us.

Could you please remember me as I was…?
Remember me as I said If we ever see each other again….

He doesn’t understand why I must leave.

I cannot explain….cannot make excuses.

I know you hate me for leaving you..but could you please forgive me this once…?
I leave with all the love you’ve given me…but I’ll always remember you…only you.

There is nothing that I can do. I know that this is good bye…forever.

I hold out my hand to touch his cheek as he gazes back at me with watery eyes. I lean forward to kiss his lips.

As his eyes close, the tears spill over and run down his cheeks. I lick them away, savoring the salty taste as I swallow my own tears.

Could you please remember me as I was…?
Remember me as I said if we ever see each other again….
I know you hate me for leaving you..but could you please forgive me this once…?
I leave with all the love you’ve given me…but I’ll always remember you…only you.
If we ever have to part again, let’s not say good-bye…
If our time together was precious…
Please keep it somewhere in your heart…forever….

 {words in italics are lyrics from Promise… song and lyrics by Kang Sunghoon}

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s