- a Wonnie short story
Emotions I felt could never be said out loud. Confusion, anger, sadness, despair, depression, no happiness nor joy did I feel? That was what made my day gray with darkness. I walked to a near by abandoned bridge. I thought of many ways how my existence affected the people around me. o I really want to do this?I felt alone, always sitting in a dark corner observing every inch of happiness everyone else had. hy? Why? Don I feel like them? Why can I?Many faces I recognized ran in between every thought I had. But then it came to three faces. JiWon, JiYoung, and JaeDuc. Three guys I shared my feelings with but I never told any of them. Why, because I was too afraid to speak my mind. Rain came in a downpour as I shivered endlessly. hy should I care about them.*sniff* theye not going to come along and save me from this tragedy. I guess my life ends here?I sad with my last few words, I walked closer and closer. My arms extended out letting the rain beat against my face and body. I looked down the pit, maybe only 2 stories down. I cried and closed my eyes as I lifted my head once again, and leaned forward as I fell. I felt the free falling of my body against the wind. As I fell, I only saw the lightening of the sky, and then before I could feel the pain there was darkness
Two hours later an old stranger found HyoLi’s body at the bottom of a bridge and called the ambulance. She was then rushed to the hospital. “She fell from a 2 story drop. May have a possibility of an amnesia,” the doctors said as her body was being examined for other injuries. “It’s surprising that she survived. It was a 30-40% chance of anyone surviving. This was a lucky on…”
(**DREAM**) -HyoLi’s POV-Don’t leave us.” “Please Hyoli..stay.” “We’ll miss you.” Three girls kept on saying this to me as they stood in the rays of the light. I didn’t know who they were or why they kept calling my HyoLi. I had no recollection of what happened to me. But as I stood in a meadow, I stared off into the distance and the three figures disappeared. A gray cloud over looked me and soon rain began to pour. I looked up at the sky and back down to see I was standing at the edge of a bridge that was old and abandoned. As I stood, a white light flashed into my mind and soon I was in a world of darkness.//
-“HyoLi, what happened to you? Why did you do this to yourself? How come you never told me?” I heard a voice but yet I could not see her face. Nor could I speak or yell. But the coincidental thing about all of this was that she called me ‘HyoLi’. First thing that ran in my mind was maybe that really was my name. With no face to see, I just thought maybe this was all a dream. But I felt the gentle shaking of my arm from the women who was crying. I could tell there were many people who were with her. Three other voices sounded familiar. Like from my dream, I still didn’t know who they were. I felt so confused not knowing what happened or why I’m here on a bed unable to see, talk, or move any limb still attached to my body. All I was able to do was lie in bed and try to recollect anything that happened to me. “Visiting hours is over. We’re sorry. But we do have the results to your daughter’s condition.” ((Hmm.. daughter..that must mean my mother is here. She must be the one who was crying? Has to be? I want to know what happened to me??)) I questioned in my mind. “Well, I’m sorry to say that she tried to jump off a bridge. A sign that she was in the state of suicide. Luckily, she didn’t. She’s been in a coma for 12 hrs and is on life support. We are only able to tell you this much for now. But we still inform you of any further results.” The doctor finished what he said and left the room as I heard footsteps shifting out of the room, followed by a weeping of the women I considered was my mother. “HyoLi, hang in there. Your mother needs you. We need you.” This time it was a much younger voice. Like one of the girls in my dream. I could tell she had also been crying. Minutes passed and everyone had left. I was in bed with only darkness to stare at. The only thing I could feel was the warmth of rays coming in from a particular direction. I was desperate to see what I was surrounded by. The bore of lying in bed doing soon lead me to go to sleep.
(**DREAM**) Hot tears rolled down my face as I felt depression in so many ways. Yet I was confused. I sat in the cold with rain falling heavily. As I sat, a shadow overcast where I was sitting. I looked up and saw a figure of a man. “ HyoLi..i love you..” he whispered. He walked towards me as the shadow on his face began to uncover.//
-I was never able to tell you this but I loved you ever since. “I woke up to a guy’s voice and again I couldn’t see his face. It was hard trying to remember who these people were when I can’t even see them. “I wished you would wake up from your sleep.. so you could hear how much I feel for you. I’m sorry.” I could tell that this guy had been crying because of the shakiness he had in his voice. “When you do wake up…I’ll be here by your side. I won’t let you be alone anymore. Please do remember me, HyoLi,” he said before he left. ((How can I remember you if I don’t know how you look like. Please stay and talk to me. Please I want to know who you are.)) I tried to say this with all my strength but still nothing. The soothing voice couldn’t be heard anymore. I was in silence once again. Maybe ten hours later, my mother came by herself this time. “HyoLi!” It’s me again. I see someone has been visiting you. They left balloons and some flowers. ‘From Mathieu.’ I don’t know who this is but he must really like you.” Then I wondered why he came. “Oh well, Yuri, Jin, JuHyun and I got you get well things too. I told then ‘Thank You’. It’s very thoughtful of them. As she said the three names I began putting things together. ((They must be those three other girls. And Mathieu must be that guy. But who is he? Man, it’s so frustrating not knowing who he is. Especially when I’m disabled like this.)) I wanted to so much move from my position but then it was like my body wasn’t even my own. My mother talked me the whole time she visited. Everyday she’d come in and keep me company. I felt like someone cared for me. It was good because if no one came I’d always fall asleep. I got used to this habit and became a heavy sleeper. Jin, JuHyun, and Yuri would also come in occasionally when they weren’t so busy. In the beginning it bugged me a lot about how everyone looked like. Now it doesn’t really matter all that much. At least they cared enough and visited. Then again, there’s this other guy, Mathieu. It was already bad that I didn’t have any memory of these people, but this mystery person. He must’ve loved me a lot. Maybe I never saw how much he cared. But now that I’m laying still and listening it was a good opportunity for him to speak out. Everyday he would bring in flowers. I don’t know what kind but I could smell the same flowers everyday when he came in, even when I was asleep. And everyday he would tell me how much he missed and loved me. Of course I wanted to reply. But then I was also confused at why he would come and if he was really the one I’d love because I had began falling for a stranger. I loved the way he would bring in new flowers and keep me company as well. It was always during a time when no one had been visiting me for a few days. It was like I knew him my whole lifetime.
(**DREAM**) It had been the first dream in five weeks. I stood at the edge of the bridge and cried. It was no longer a warm surrounding. I felt the cold bitter air around me and soon I realized I was free falling into darkness.//
-I woke up from the nightmare. The worse thing about having a dream was I would only wake up in darkness in which the nightmare would leave me off. And the strangest thing about it was that it all made sense to me now. My dreams had to do something with how I ended up in the hospital. I tried so bad to remember what happened in my past. So it was a while before I was asleep again.
(**DREAM**) Next morning I woke up to the smell of the fresh flowers Mathieu brought in. “Good morning HyoLi. How’s everything? Well, I’m okay.” He said sadly. After a long pause he continued again. “Actually, I’m sorry. But I can’t see your bright face or see that beautiful smile when you do wake up. I’m sorry, HyoLi.” As he whispered his last words, I could feel his hands close to my face and his lips touching mine. But then his kiss, it was so meaningless and no emotion, as though it didn’t exist. At this point, all my strength wanted to go to my voice and my arms. I wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him. Suddenly, his lips pulled away and I could feel his tears roll down my cheek from his. My heart began to ache as my own tear followed his along side my face. I kept screaming inside me to wake up and for him not to leave me. I could hear his footsteps leaving as all I could was lay lifelessly on my bed. I finally gave up ((It’s no use any more.)) I said to myself as another final tear rolled down my face. But as I was about to give up I tried one more time to fist my hand. Suddenly, my strength began to come all together. I felt my fingers move with every little twitch. I slowly regained consciousness with weakness still in my body. When I was able to open my eyes, the light coming in from the window besides me brightened. After the doctors examination, my mother, Yuri, Jin, and JuHyun cam in. They were all crying with joy as I smiled seeing them for the first time as though I was being born all over. “You finally woke up!!” “HyoLi!!” they screamed. I tiredly smiled and looked at them. I remembered everything they had told me. But most of all, I kept wondering where Mathieu had gone. I never heard from again, not even one little sign.
-Five days later
I was released from the hospital and went home with my mother. When I got there, all the lights were turned off. “Turn on the lights HyoLi.” She said standing behind me. “SURPRISE!!” Everyone came bursting out. “WELCOME HOME!!” They all greeted me. I smiled surprised. “You guys are so kind and thoughtful.” I said trying to hide my sadness. “Don’t cry. This is only the beginning.” Yuri said smiling. And yet she was right, the beginning of a new life and having a chance at fixing all the wrongs I did in my past. Although I had completely forgotten everything before I ended up in the hospital, I did my best to regain my memory as well as my strength. To start off what I needed to know, having the party was of a great help. Even though it wasn’t at all a big party, it was good enough people I only knew came, except Mathieu. I even asked everyone who this Mathieu was. All replies were the same, no one knew. But a strange thing happened when I asked Jin. She introduced me to JiWon, which seemed as though he had replaced Mathieu at the party. I had no clue of who this JiWon was, but Jin still introduced me. When she did I couldn’t help questioning myself why he sounded so familiar. So I became more curious and asked him myself. “How were you a part of my past? I would be happy if you shared any events we had before my accident.” I was desperate to know. ((Maybe he’s Mathieu.. could it??)) “Well, we were classmates foe a while. But then, I moved away. I heard about your accident just recently so I came to visit and see how well you’ve been doing.” I guess it was reasonable since there were other people who I eventually had no remembrance of. The night grew long and I had spoken to everyone personally, hoping to find a big piece of my life. Bit-by-bit my life’s puzzle began to come together. It took me a good 10 days to remember what happened. From childhood times to even when I had gone through so much depression. Everything came by so fast after my mixed emotions. After that all I could remember was darkness and of course the words everyone who visited told me. In all the days I tried of my recovery, the last day became pressuring and stressful towards me. I grew with sadness again not understanding how I ended up in the hospital and where this Mathieu had gone.
The next morning as I woke up in my bed I thought of all the memories I had
collected so far. Flashes of my past came in and out. When all of a sudden, as I closed my eyes, I saw an image of what seemed like one of my dreams. I opened my eyes, and I was back in reality again. I sat up in my bed and whispered to myself “That’s it. I know now. I should’ve never jumped. Why?”
**FLASHBACK** “Do I really want to do this? Why? Why don’t I feel like?
them? Why can’t I? “The faces of JiWon, JaeDuc, and JiYOung came into my mind and then rain began pouring. My arms extended as I took one last look at the sky and then down at the bottom. There I was standing two stories above. I cried and let my body lean forward.**END OF FLASHBACK**
Everything after that everything after that until the point that I could hear my mother’s cries, no remembrance. I began sobbing as I remembered why I had done it. “It’s all my fault. No..no…I shouldn’t blame things on myself. Everything was all an accident.” I got out of bed and washed my face. When I got downstairs, my mother was already making breakfast. “Good morning.” She said as she smiled brightly at me. As I walked towards her from the stairs a guy sat across from her drinking coffee. “Oh.. HyoLi.. Guess who’s here? It’s JiWon.” As he turned around, I en-sahed politely and sat next to him. “Good morning HyoLi.” He said smiling at me, and I smiled back. “So, uh, HyoLi.. I have errands to run. So I’m leaving now. You two have a nice breakfast and I’ll see you later!” she said winking at me. I knew where she was coming to in all of this. She me to get reacquainted with JiWon so I can get ‘friendly’ as in ‘boy-friend-girlfriend’ situation. I really don’t mind although I did want to see how Mathieu looked like and ask him a few things. “So HyoLi umm.. Are you okay today?” JiWon asked me. I sipped my coffee and smiled. “I’m alright. Thanks for your concern.” “Then, are you okay with going to the beach with mw?” I had to think. I was still recovering from memory loss and didn’t want anyone to bother with. “Sure.” I answered anyways. It wasn’t like Mathieu was going to knocking on my door.
-I got home early around 3:00 p.m. JiWon probably knew I wasn’t feeling okay today so he took me home. Later that day it began raining. My mother wasn’t home yet it was really boring just staying inside. So I went outside. In the first time in the longest I saw rain falling. I took a walk out with an umbrella in hand and walked wherever my feet led me to. But before I knew it. I was back where I started. Where my past, my memories, and my heart went. I stood there as my hand dropped down beside and my umbrella fell. Before me was the abandoned bridge I once jumped off. Not only did I realize I had come back here but there was a guy. He looked similar from behind yet I couldn’t see his face. I slowly walked closer. And with every step I heard him speak. At that point I decided to stop and listen. “HyoLi, I love you.” With his last words he seemed to have disappeared. “Wait!! Mathieu!! Don’t leave!” I figured it had to be him. His voice. I could remember, I ran towards the bridge and sobbed. The fogginess made it impossible to see where he had fallen. Soon I realized I had fallen into darkness. My body was surrounded with a familiar insecure coldness.
I opened my eyes and realized it was another dream. Everything was a dream. >From the point where I had just came out of my a coma to now. It was like deja vu again. I regained consciousness and stayed in the hospital an extra 5 weeks to get my strength back. The last thing I remembered was yelling for Mathieu and falling into darkness. I knew it was a dream. But who were these other people: Jin, JuHyun, Yuri, JiWon, Mathieu? I felt like I met these people before. Still, I couldn’t remember what conversations I had with them. When I got home, Jin, JuHyun, And Yuri were there. They told and showed me all the things we had done in our childhood times that we had spent together. “I’m sorry but I still can’t remember. I’m sure you were the best of friends. I’m glad to have known you guys.” “Oh..it’s okay,” Jin said.
-After our long day I remembered what seemed like a memory from my past. I took another look at the pictures of all four of us when we were around 12. We all gathered up in a group hug wearing the same shirt that had the Korean flag.
(**FLASHBACK**)”Come on Jin, it’s going to flash.Hurry!!” HyoLi yelled. Jin ran over and joined them. “Say cheese.” All four of them said as they sat in the photo booth. “Okay. Now we can go…” “Ooh..let’s go watch a movie.” Yuri said interrupting JuHyun. “No..it’s getting late we should back to your house and check in.” They had spent the whole day at the mall and needed to go back to Yuri’s house. They decided that day that they would go sleep over at her house. As they walked to her house, JiWon and his friend sneaked up behind them with huge water guns and soaked them. The girls were chased all the way to Yuri’s house where they had been waiting in the backyard with a garden house ready. “NOW!!” yelled Jin. JuHyun turned the water on. And when JiWon and his friends unexpectedly walked into the girls’ ambush. they were all wet by them time the girls got in and locked all the doors.(**END OF FLASHBACK**)
-I smiled happily and closed the photo album. I stood up to stretch when a bouquet of white tulips caught my eyes. I smelled the flower’s scent which then brought another flashback in mind. This time it was a guy in whom I couldn’t see. I looked at the tag. “From: Mathieu. Who is this guy?” The more I thought into it the more I wondered.
(**FLASHBACK**) “Good morning HyoLi. It’s me again. Just wanted to drop off some new flowers.” A soothing voice came out of nowhere.(**END OF FLASHBACK**)
-Later that day I went down to a near by seashore. I had forgotten how good the smell of the sea was. I even forgot how the waves crash against the shoreline. I sat down on the cold soft sand and stared off into the sunset enjoying every refreshing moment. It was a good opportunity for me to let go of the pressure and stress I’d been going through to find out my past. A little while later I felt a tapping my shoulder. I looked up to see a guy who seemed familiar.
(**FLASHBACK**)”Good morning..” he said smiling. (**END OF FLASHBACK**)
– “A stranger told me to give this to you. I have no idea who he is but he said he was Mathieu? I don’t know.” Confused I took the letter and read it. “You may not remember me now but just wanted to let you know. I Love You..-Mathieu.” I read it quietly to myself. “So uh..you’re HyoLi Right?!” he asked me. “Yes.. and you are?” “I’m Eun JiWon. I know we grew up together. You, me, Jin, JuHyun, Yuri, JaeDuc, JiYoung, Su…” “Okay..I get the point.” I said laughing softly. “So..I’m sorry I never visited you. I just came back from the states because I heard about your accident..” “What accident?” “You mean you don’t remember?” “Nope. That’s what I’ve been trying to , recover my memory.” “Oh..I must be bothering you then?” “Not really.. I was just enjoying the view while it lasted.” “Can I join you?” “Sure. Why not?” JiWon sat down beside me and we had our conversation until it grew dark. He took me home that evening. Since then, we became friends. I would go to the beach and he would be there. Everyday went by quick as the memories didn’t exist. But as days went by, flashbacks began coming in and out of my mind. Like I was reliving every moment over. Two months had gone by and I could pretty much remember everything I’d experience. I hadn’t told anyone yet. Not Jin, JuHyun, Yuri, even my mother. I felt as though I wasn’t open enough for JiWon. So one day, while at the beach where we would always meet, I decided to tell him then. “JiWon, can you keep a secret?” “Sure. If it’s that important I won’t let it out.” “Okay. Well, you know how I’ve been kind of getting my memory back.” He nods his head. “Well, I haven’t told any one yet but you” I talked for a long time and he sat there. Listening attentively to every word I said. I wasn’t even sure if he was still awake. But when I was done. It was silent for a while until he asked “So..you’re still looking for this guy Mathieu.” “I’m not even sure if he exists. Maybe some joke someone’s playing on me.” He looked me in the eyes at this point and held my face gently. “JiWon..” I whispered. I closed my eyes as our lips came closer, but before our lips touched, I opened my eyes and turned my head. “Sorry JiWon. I..I think we should only stay friends.” “I’m sorry HyoLi.” Right then a flashback of a familiar voice repeated what JiWon had said. For some strange reason, this Mathieu sounded like JiWon. “It’s okay. Still friends?” I asked forcing a smile. “Sure.” I felt bad I had rejected him. It’s just, I remembered I still had alot in hand. So we just only continued our relationship as friends.
— “Breaking News, there has just there has just been a car accident 5 minutes ago. Two people died in the accident leaving four other passengers injured.” HyoLi and Yuri sat in a room where they waited for the nurses to examine their injuries. “JuHyun and Jin. They..They’re gone.” HyoLi whispered. Both sat there crying.
— On the day of the funeral, Yuri and I did the honors of scattering their ashes over the seas. It was a gray day and nothing looked happy. Every person who appeared was crying or looked sad. After everything that’s happened I decided to visit the spot that I lost my memories and my past to. That old abandoned bridge that haunted me and brought chills down my back. I looked down to that ditch the bridge hung over. ((Life doesn’t matter does it?)) I asked myself thoroughly. I was where I started, deciding whether or not I should end my life a second time. ((If I do this, it would bring even more depression to my family.)) I made a last decision. I walked away and a couple minutes later it began raining hard. ((Just like how it was on that day.)) As I kept walking I came upon JiWon’s apartment building. It was a good to talk to him. Just what needed.
-*DING-DONG* “Who is it?” JiWon answered. “It’s me.” A quiet voice from the other side answered. He opened the door to see HyoLi the door to see HyoLi standing there wet from the rain. “What are you doing here?” “I..w…w..was just..dr..opping..b..by.” she replied shivering with a light smile. “It doesn’t matter. Get inside. You’re going to catch a cold.” He pulled her inside and gave her a dry blanket. “Why were you walking out there? It’s raining hard.” he said sounding very concerned. She drank from her hot tea and sat there quietly. “Well, how was the reception?” JiWon asked as he noticed the black dress HyoLi still had on. “It was like any other.” Her heart began to ache as she was reminded of Jin and JuHyun’s death. “I never got to even recover fully from all of my memories with them. Why?” HyoLi cried. Her tears came running out of her eyes. JiWon ran to get some Kleenex and handed them to her. He sat down next to her as he hugged her. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. You still have Yuri and me.” “That’s about all I have now.” All night he tried comforting her, until she fell asleep. He gently carried her to his bed and set her down. “Poor HyoLi. You went through so much and now this.” JiWon said as he tucked her in. He kissed her forehead and walked out the bedroom with one last glimpse he closed the door.
–The next morning, I woke up to a familiar smell. I opened my eyes to see a white ceiling. It reminded me of the times when I was in the hospital. I then turned my head to the left to see a clear glass vase of white tulips. I sat up in bed and smelled the flowers. ((So these are those flowers. But if these are the flowers, than where’s Mathieu? I must still be at JiWon’s apartment. Then, that must mean….JiWon..)) I thought to myself. I decided to get home before JiWon woke up. The shocking news came all too fast. As I ran home, not wanting to come back. The fact that he was Mathieu all along and the fact that he lied to me made me confused. When I did arrive home o one was there. I changed from the black dress into something more simpler and took a long walk to the beach. I sat there letting go of my emotions. Most of all I let go of my sadness. I thought of everything that had happened to me ever since I had come out of a coma. The longs hours went by and I grew sleepy. I had fallen asleep for straight 5 hours. When I woke up, a bouquet of white tulips had appeared next to me. “JiWon..you must’ve dropped by.” I then began reminiscing memories of when JiWon would meet me here ad we would talk about what happened. “After all this time it has been you.” I walked home with the flowers in hand. I sat home by myself eating as I watched T.V. Hours later, I had fallen asleep again and heard a knock at the door. When I had opened it no on was on the other side. I looked down and on the floor there it was again. The same bouquet of white flowers. I immediately put the flowers in a vase. There were now 5 vases of white tulips around in my room. I laid on my bed and hugged my pillow tightly. “JiWon..” I whispered.
-It’s been 2 days and still have a horrible cold. I sat there in the kitchen helping my mother and Yuri cook. Our conversation was long. All day we talked about how we were going to move on with Jin and JuHyun’s death. I was still depressed about everything, but I tried to hide it. I knew Yuri was still sad, yet she held it in o tight, no sad emotions showed. “HyoLi..are you okay?” My mother asked. I felt burning hot and my vision blurred. Before I knew it, my fever ran up and soon I blacked out.
-HyoLi was rushed to the hospital. When she had opened her eyes another vase of white tulips were left beside her. She looked at the coffee which was still warm and got up quickly. She ran outside to see JiWon already across the street. “JiWon!! Don’t leave! Wait.” HyoLi yelled. He was still walking in still yelling for him. HyoLi then decided to run across the street. With a last yell she screamed his name he looked back to see. But as she ran, a car couldn’t stop and hit her. JiWon ran quickly to her as a crowd began to form. “Get out of my way! HyoLi..HyoLi!!” He looked down to see her laying down unable to move. “JiWon..i..love…you..” she said with her last words. JiWon hugged her lifeless body tightly and cried. “I..Love..You..”//
–I was in darkness once again. It was annoying, reliving every step again. This time I had awaken to an even brighter light. I looked up at the spinning ceiling fan and squinted at the brightness. My body even my head felt heavy.I looked to my left and saw someone holding my hand, asleep with his head faced down. He woke up and lifted his head. “HyoLi? HyoLi! You’re awake!!” he said with his eyes widened. I smiled back weakly in return. “Do you remember who I am?” he asked pointing to himself. I could tell he was about to cry. “You’re JiWon. And..it’s not Mathieu, right?” I replied. He hugged me tightly as my arms weakly hugged him back. “HyoLi, don’t even do this to yourself again.” “I know..I know..” We pulled away as he got up to get a doctor. After the examination, which seemed forever, the doctors let JiWon take me out for a stroll at a nearby beach. We sat there talking on the sand, exactly like how it was in my dreams. I looked straight at him as he seemed to enjoy the view. I reached my hand over and held his. He turned his head and looked at me. “How long had I been in a coma, for me to miss this much time spending it with you?” “It doesn’t matter how long just as long as you’re here by my side. But since you asked it had been a long 4 years you were in it. We all need missed you HyoLi. Jin, JuHyun, Yuri, and your mother.” “Jin and JuHyun are still alive..” I whispered to myself as he continued to talk. “Huh?What was that?” he asked. “Nothing. It’s nothing.” I said as I smiled. ((Wow four years.)) I thought to myself. I remembered all the dreams that I had which seemed only like four months and worried if this was a dream. Trying to make sure it wasn’t. I turned to him and whispered his name. As he turned his head again to face me, I looked at him and took this opportunity to bring my lips closer to him. This time the kiss was longer and more passionate. I felt his soft lips against mines. We finally pulled away and I told him ‘I love you’. In reply he told me he loved me. Never had I thought that waking up from three dreams would I end up even in a more better life. After four long years, I’m happy that I can start a new life and leave my past behind.