- a JinHoon (Jaejin x Sunghoon) short story
I was floating. I was free. No pain, no more pain. I looked down at myself. I looked terrible. There were tubes and wires sticking out everywhere. My head was bandaged and my face was bruised. Beep beep beep my heart beat was very weak. I think it’s time for me to go home.
The door flew open and the love of my life rushed in with Jiwon behind him. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. His face was red and his hair was a mess. But to me he was beautiful as always. He ran to my bedside and threw himself on me hugging me tightly.
Jinee yah please wake up. Don’t leave me, he sobbed.
I’m sorry my love. I’m sorry for not being able to stay with you. I’m sorry for not being there to protect you. I’m sorry I can’t keep my promise to grow old with you.
He is very weak you have to let him breath. Now let go. Jiwon pried him off of me.
Hyung. Make him wake up. Make him get better. Bring him back to me. He demanded as he grabbed Jiwon’s clothes and shook him violently.
I’m sorry Hoony. You know if I could make Jaejin stay I will. But I can’t. I’m sorry. Jiwon’s voice was shaking.
No! You’re lying! You can! You can! He insisted. You can bring my Jinee back!
Jiwon put his hand on his shoulder but he pushed it away. I can’t live without him! I won’t live without him! He declared defiantly.
Jiwon’s jaws tightened and he tried to grab onto Sunghoon. But Sunghoon fought him every step of the way.
Finally with all his strength Jiwon managed to wrap his arms around him. Sunghoon sobbed shamelessly on his neck as Jiwon tighten his arms around him.
For once in my life my vision was not blurred by my emotional attachments, it was crystal clear. All I saw were the raw human emotions laid before me. All I saw was Sunghoon’s pain, his fear of losing me. And I also saw Jiwon’s pain and fear. It pained him to see Sunghoon suffer. He feared Sunghoon’s words of I can’t live without him! I won’t live without him!
Sunghoon suddenly broke free of Jiwon’s grasp and turned back to me, tears still flowing. How could you? He accused anger creeping into his voice. How could you abandon me? You miserable bastard! I hate you! What makes you think I could live without you? What makes you think I would want to live without you? How dare you make this decision for me! It’s my decision! You hear me? Mine! And you’re not leaving me! He screamed.
He collapsed onto the floor clutching to the edge of the bed crying forlornly. Jiwon went over to him and sat down on the floor with him. He slipped his arms around Sunghoon’s waist and buried his head in his neck as he hugged his back.
Boy was I blind when I was alive. How could I not have seen Jiwon’s love for Sunghoon? It was so obvious. I feel better about leaving Sunghoon behind. Jiwon will take care of him I don’t have to worry anymore. I can leave in peace.
Oh Hoony I’m so sorry don’t cry my love. Your face his too pretty for tears, for pain, for suffering. Smile my love. Let me see your beautiful smile one last time before I leave.
I never did get to see his last smile. I felt myself being pulled. I was being pulled home.
The machine that was measuring my heartbeat went flat line. Sunghoon attacked my dead body throwing himself on me, shaking me violently trying to wake me. All the while with Jiwon trying to pry the hysterical Sunghoon away from my lifeless body.
I kept my eyes on my Hoony as I was floating higher and higher. Then my eyes caught sight of something unusual, something the human eye cannot see. Around Sunghoon’s right ankle was a piece of red string tied around it. At the other end of the string was tied Jiwon’s left ankle. The red string wasn’t really string it was more like a thin line of glowing light binding them together. As Jiyong and Jaeduck rushed into the room from Sunghoon’s cries I saw a red string tying them together also.
But what about me? If Sunghoon belongs to Jiwon, who do I belong to?
I saw the red string tied around my dead ankle but I couldn’t see the other end. I traced my red string, leading down the hospital hallway, turning left, into the bathroom and stops in the second stall. My red string was tied around the ankle of a sobbing Suwon with his head bowed on his hugged knees.
No, no that can’t be I’m dead! What is Suwonie to do? You can’t tie him to me. I’m dead!
I saw his secret love for me. I saw his pain of losing me. And I also saw that he was already dead inside. I fought it. For the first time I fought the force that was pulling me home. But it was too powerful. Despite my efforts I was slowly pulled away from the one I belong to.
I’m sorry Suwonie I’m sorry I never had a chance to love you. I’m sorry that I didn’t know your love. I’m so sorry for leaving you all alone in this world.
I floated away, away from the one I was supposed to love and away from the one I did love. Higher and higher I floated, light as a cloud away from the hospital, away from Seoul, away from Korea, and away from this earth.
As I was floating I saw all the red strings. It was a whole web of red strings spanning the entire globe. Some strings were very short stretching only to the person next to them; but some strings stretched across oceans and mountains. Would they ever find the one they belong to? I hope they do but I know in the back of my mind that some won’t. After all I didn’t.